Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
