Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
