you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
