so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
