saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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