Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
