If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
