yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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