I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
