You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
