Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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