I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
