he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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