Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
