he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
