omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
