I heard we made out
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
