I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
