she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
