i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
