I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize