nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
