a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
