So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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