i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize