oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
