Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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