I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
