apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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