You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and she was petting her beer can
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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