Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
