u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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