Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
