Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
