We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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