Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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