i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is wine microwaveable?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
