I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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