Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
