your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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