You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
