Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
