just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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