I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
