My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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