Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You are a genius and a whore.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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