I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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