i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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