he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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