It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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