That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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