I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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