What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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