At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
