they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
