I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
