I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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