I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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