his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
