Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
