Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
