There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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