I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
