Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
