the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
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I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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