Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
