i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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