you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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