Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
